As liberties are slowly being reintroduced into our lives here in Florence, I've come to realize I don't know how to feel about any of it. Walking out into the street filled with masked people walking, chatting, riding bikes is like opening your eyes for the first time in the morning. The light is blinding, all of the stimuli is shocking, and it always takes a few seconds to realize who and where you are.
Most of my wants and needs, problems, and solutions still lie beyond the walls of my house and the borders of my city. I've grown numb in this state of suspension and the feeling hasn't quite returned yet. I'm literally wracking my brain for things to talk to my therapist about.
That what this reading is all about, a self-discovery check-in on my material, emotional, and spiritual state. Plus a look at some of my current projects.
I am a blank canvas, I shuffled the deck with no particular thought at all.
Reading in order: material state, emotional state, spiritual state.
La Forza (strength) - Upright
L'Imperatrice (the empress) - Upright
Il Diavolo (the devil) - Inversed
1. La Forza - material state
This card represents courage, power, influence, and also compassion.
What is my material world like? My apartment is pretty good for the location, my wardrobe has improved since I downsized and focused on quality, and although my currently messy desk doesn't reflect it, I don't like having a lot of possessions because I can't stand clutter. My computer and tablet are all I really care about.
Physically I feel great- no small feat after months of quarantine. We haven't ordered out once during the lockdown. I'm the household chef so we've been consistently been eating healthy.
This card checks out- I feel good in the world I've built around myself and confident that I can influence its state if I need to.
2. L'Iperatrice - mental state
This card is wholly a feminine card symbolizing creation, nature, unity, and a nurturing spirit.
I can't help but relate this card to my work. I've been busting out a ton of illustrations lately for myself and for clients. Creatively I don't feel fatigued even though I've transferred almost my entire soul into the Adobe cloud in the past two months.
Recently, I have been in nurture mode too. In order to keep the peace and support all my buds (husband and dog included) who've needed it, I've been making an effort to be present for them and calmer than usual. I took my normal ten down to a solid six.
3. Il Diavolo - spiritual state
The devil- *flames, guitar riff, more flames*
The inversed devil indicates a release of oppression, whether it be dark thoughts, suppressive beliefs, or an actual controlling person or institution.
Recently I've made the letting go of my disdain for things and ideas I do not like, mine or otherwise. Most importantly effort I've been letting dark thoughts roll in and then roll right out. Death has been seeping rapidly into our lives lately and I realized accepting the thoughts and fears gives them less power than if you were to fight them.
I think my fear of heights is connected to my fear of death: when both falling and dying you're barrelling towards the void below and in either case, there's nothing to dig your nails into as you're going down. Horrifying. "Or is it?", is what I tell myself.
What I'm working on:
Currently, I've been making stock illustrations for a new website so they just need as many as I can turn out. It's been great fun; they just need a ton of content so I've been giving myself little themes for amusement. Western-themed drawings that avoid problematic stereotypes, mystical animals and where they live, 80's aerobic fever dreams. Tight.
In addition to revolving graphic design projects I've done another illustration for Culture Trip that's not published yet, but the last one I did for them a couple of months ago is: